Something for the Weakened

Alarm Command(o)

Sunday, March 16th, 2008 by

For the first time in nary a decade, I’m trying to exist without an alarm in the mornings. For as long as I care to remember, I’ve been awoken every weekday morning by tiny TV switching itself on. Back in the days when there were remotely watchable things on at such an unpleasant hour, I would gaze at them through the sleep in my eyes or at least listen to whatever drivel was being spouted (I can’t actually think of any examples of this elusive ‘good’ breakfast television (Big? Perhaps), but feel sure there was some at some point). Up until recently I’d just hit ‘Mute’ and listen to The Today Programme. Nothing prepares you for the day better than the sound of Humphries disagreeing with any point put to him. But this era is at a close, for the time being at least, as I usher in an age of time keeping gone commando. Well it nearly works as a metaphor, so I’m going to stick with it. What you going to do about it?

The Why;- my diddy television has been put out to pasture (temporarily), as I’ve had to move in slightly larger telly. This one has no alarm system, so the chance to be woken by BBC Breakfast is no longer viable, save through a system of ropes and pulleys that would make Heath Robinson blush. My stereo is also bereft of any clockage, so I can’t be conned into conciousness by Naughtie coming in my ear. I possess a very aged alarm clock, so strangely battered that it has to be kept at ninety degree angles to fully function. I could use this, were it not for the alarm itself, which woke me for many years while I was still at school and is now ingrained in my mind as one of the single most unpleasant noises on earth (beaten only by chalk on a blackboard and the sound of chewing dentures). The annoyance the alarm sets off within me may well be the cause of it’s strange battering. There’s also the alarm on my phone, but it’s frankly rubbish and will only end up being as Pavlovianly frustrating as the other one in the end, so I’m not going to go down that road either. Leaving me with no alarms. So how will I survive?

The How;- no one gives a shit when I arrive at work.

Really?;- well, alright I might exaggerate a little there, but it’s not far from the truth. And for the past six months I’ve been awakened most mornings before any alarm sounded. Living on the ground floor, in the front room of a house on a moderately busy road means pedestrian and automated travel normally starts to be loud enough to wake from my fitful slumber by 8:30, if not before. Combine that with the fact that everyone else in the place has to be out before me, me being directly next to the front door, means I’m pretty much guarenteed consciousness before 9:00. On top of this, there’s the wooden floor of the room above me, upon which I can hear most any activity. Oh yes, any. No, regular readers, it’s not anywhere near as bad as the rut-fests documented around these parts around twelve months ago, though it’s still a little off putting. Anyway, as I say, my consciousness guarenteed, I feel an alarmless existence should not be a hard or late one.

In Practice;- I tried this for three days last week. I was only ‘late’ on one of these days. There might be some glitches, but I’m sure they can be worked over. That or I shall be sleeping an awful lot more.

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