Something for the Weakened

A Hidden Evil?

Sunday, December 19th, 2004 by

Scarves. Wonderful things, infinitely useful, particularly in cold weather. But I have found a sinister undertone to them. Being a speccy twat with a loathing of cold faces, I often find scarf wearing useful. The thing is that it takes a certain level of artistry to wear both scarf and specs. To achieve optimum warmth, the ordinary 20-20 visioned individual would hike their scarf up as high as possible, covering the most sur-face area possible. We, the unseeing masses are unable to do this. Covering the mouth is possible, but if the nose disappears below fabric, trouble follows. Instantaneous spectacle steaming will almost certainly follow. With the scarf covering only the mouth you have two options; breathe through mouth (warming all areas under the scarf and some just above it), or breathe through the nose (making you look normal). Neither of these lead to any moisture developing on the eyeglass (unless done with extraordinary ferocity). But when the scarf covers the nose, there is no way to prevent it. Exhaling through any orifice is instantly channelled directly upwards, the scarf acting like a flume, instantly covering any possibility of vision through your face mounted viewing assistants. A design flaw, or something more sinister? I’m not sure, but I have my suspicions . . .

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