Something for the Weakened

Archive for March, 2016

What’s The Opposite Of ‘Pongs’?

March 3rd, 2016 by Alastair

Bought some fabric softener yesterday. A bit leaked out into my bag.

Not a disaster. Now my bag smells quite nice.

Unfortunately my sandwiches taste of lily of the valley.

Tedious Dream Recollection

March 2nd, 2016 by Alastair

Last night I dreamt I was buying hardcore pornography from a garage. £11 for a single magazine it was. My subconscious is a right rip off. And it was secondhand too, so God alone knows where it had come from. The guy at the till was of an indeterminate ethnicity, which made me nervous. My subconscious is also mildly racist it transpires. He was vocally very enthusiastic about the purchase I was making. This unsettled me as well, but not for long, as I realised that my parents were still in the car.

Thirty-eight years old, people. Thirty-eight years old.