Something for the Weakened

Archive for September, 2015

Prime Minister David Cameron Definitely Did Put His Penis Into The Severed Head Of A Pig

September 22nd, 2015 by Alastair

Happy day after St. Piggins Day.

There’s one small group of people I feel sorry for over this whole affair. Not the pig’s family – they’re not people. Can’t you read? Not the PM, obviously, nor his friends, family, constituents, fellow swine inserters or other pals who misconstrued the phrase pork sword. Not even whatever actual relevant news story has been smothered or ‘accidentally’ suppressed by this whole farrago. No, there is one small group who will suffer even more so.

Ladies and gentlemen, please pity the poor unfortunates who have to sift through the open submissions to Newsjack (I’m not going to italicise it, as I still don’t entirely believe it’s a programme). The sheer quantity of crap, bacon based puns those unlucky saps are going to have to sift through over the next week will surely be horrendous. The fact that pretty much none of it will get through compliance due to the higher ups panicking about charter renewal, means that even if there are diamonds amongst the swill, non one will never hear them.

Hats off to them folks.

The poor buggers.

The Woman Who Looks Like John Moloney

September 16th, 2015 by Alastair

You don’t remember what John Moloney looks like.

Google Image him if you’re interested or if your memory doesn’t retain the faces of those who appeared regularly on panel shows at the turn of the century.

But keep your eye out for the woman who looks like him.

She really is the spit.


September 14th, 2015 by Alastair




No, I’ve got nothing today.

Not that anyone’s looking at this.

Maybe something better tomorrow.


September 13th, 2015 by Alastair

How about putting on a regular gig night where all the members of every band have to do shots between songs? Would that work? The sight and sounds of a group getting smashed and (presumably) more shambolic over the course of a set seems strangely appealing. But would they want to do it? Would anyone but me want to see it? And why can’t I think of an amusing punning title for such a venture?

Anger Deficiency

September 11th, 2015 by Alastair

I’m just not narked enough these days. The steady encroachment of middle age; having had the same employer for the best part of two decades; always having enough to eat and a roof over my head. It’s all added up to a all consuming state of apathy. A funk. One which I’m fully aware that I am the only one who can prize myself out of. I’m fully aware of how utterly fucked the world appears to be, but when I awake every morning, brush the hangover from my eyes and look out the window to hear the crickets chirrup and steel myself for another day’s tedium at work, I find it near impossible to summon up the muster to care about much of anything.

And that’s one of the reasons it’s been quiet here.

Let’s see if I can force myself out of my fug and start writing things again.

Pub first though.

It is Friday after all.


September 10th, 2015 by Alastair

Of late, when indicating that I’m going to turn while cycling, I have been extending my arm (as usual) and pointing downwards.

In the back of my mind I am imagining this make me look a little bit gangsta.

In reality it makes me look a little bit Larry Grayson.


Time to wake up.