Something for the Weakened

Archive for February, 2009

Haway.Th’lad

February 23rd, 2009 by

Things are libel to be a bit quiet around these parts for a week or so. I shall be off traipsing around the frozen north for a bit and access t’internet shall be limited at best. A complete absence of details is likely to follow. Until the next time, adieu.

February 22nd, 2009 by

Blue Jam 2

Blue Jam Intro Two

2004? Probably in the spring. Fibre tip on cartridge paper.

Okay, I found something else that faintly ties in with the previous flurries of posting, so you’re getting that today. Just click on it and deal with it, alright? Further ideas of future postings will be explored at a later date. I imagine.

Following my previous, relatively unsuccessful attempt to create a Blue Jam T-shirt, I had another stab at it a few years later. This was spurred on by my chum Kristof G. Cock working in an art supplies shop who had got hold of some paper onto which one could print from a standard printer and then iron onto the cotton garment of your choosing. I then set about knocking the above together, not being caught out by the blacking up error of the previous attempt. I was particularly smug about having everything in blue, save for the word itself, harking back to some practical experiment I pretended to have carried out for my Psychology A level (one of the many reasons I failed that as spectacularly as I did). I was also quite happy with the fact that it contains the word ‘fucked’ in very small letters, but being surrounded by so much more text the eye doesn’t really notice it. The thought of wandering around work with an unnoticed obscenity emblasoned across my chest filled me with some glee. Having produced the design, I passed it on to Kristof, bought a plain white T-shirt (it’s more of a vest if I’m honest, but it was the cheapest thing I could find) and awaited the results. I was surprised when I recieved them, as everything that had been blue was now recoloured in brilliant pink. I was informed that it was something that had gone wrong in either the scanning or printing process, though I suspect it might have been an attempt to make me look slightly gayer than I usually do. Nevertheless, I took it home and ironed it on, with relative success, only really fucking up the top left hand corner. I still wear the wretched thing to this day, though only under jumpers really. I look camp enough as it is.

Happy Happy? Joy Joy!

February 20th, 2009 by

Head Explosions

Doctor Alastair Tervit’s Guide to Clean and Safe Head Explosions

Circa May 1994. Coloured pencils on cartridge paper.

I fear this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned my full name on this site. Not sure I’m that comfortable with it. Anyhoo, head explosions were something my chums and I would do back in those halcyon days. It involved moving ones chin back as far as possible and beginning to make the back of your neck shiver with your mouth in a position much like the one above. If you continue doing this for a length of time, the shaking will intensfy and your face will begin to redden significantly, as if your head was about to explode (I presume its actually just blood vessels bursting – mercifully none of us ever acheived full explosion). It provided a euphoric effect when you stopped, if you could get over the neck ache. That’s what inspired the above piece of nonsense, as you probably surmised. Click on the picture or you’ll never get to see stage four.

This is the last colour piece I have from that period, except for the really obscene one that I have no intention of putting up here (it’s remotely biblical, anatomically unlikely and based a poor pun, even by my low standards). Not sure what to do next. In my possession are some earlier colour pieces that are kinda fun. Then there’s the possibility of sticking up the first (and thankfully only) chapter of the comic Apeshitcabman. It’s not what it sounds like. Its far, far worse than that. But at least its not filth. Well, not completely. Anyway, it’ll be that or something I’m calling The End of the Future that’s bubbling away in the back of my mind. Come back soon and see.

The Psychedelic Wigwam

February 18th, 2009 by

Untitled-1

Untitled

December 1994. Coloured pencils, felt tips and ball point pen on cartridge paper.

Click ‘n’ make it bigger. You know you want to.

I seem to recall that’s what I referred to it as at the time, though unlike all the other scribbles, this one doesn’t have the title written on the back. This seems to be the only time I combined ink with pencils during this period, though couldn’t begin to speculate why this might be the case. It is something I was doing earlier, but we’ll probably come to those in a couple of weeks. I think I originally envisaged putting a photo or some sort of still from a film in the screen above the ballerina’s head, but never got round to it. The crocodile motif crops up once again, though in a roasting context this time. Again, I think it’s just because I enjoyed drawing them, no matter how poorly. The thing in the foreground isn’t actually a fried egg, but is supposed to be a broken water pipe that has pushed it’s way through the asphalt that the black bit is apparently supposed to be. The welcome mat probably would have had the full German word on it, had I not planned out the spacing of the letters so poorly. I imagine that the asphalt and mat were already in position before the letters went down and if you’ve ever tried to erase coloured pencil you’ll probably understand why I made do with a truncated greeting. The colours on the teepee and the pizza box I’m quite fond of. I think I was just trying to give each colour a fair crack of the whip. The brickwork seems to be on another easel, so is presumably a drawing of a wall, rather than actual masonry. The Dunkin Donuts container is almost certainly in reference to the fact that one had opened up nearby my home at the time and my group of chums were regularly gorging on their sugary wares (one of the main contributors to my shortage of molars I’m certain). Quite pleased with the pathway, which yet again leads into a small valley, Freudians. The explosion, shrub and rock (I think supposed to be a rock anyway) seem to be there to fill up space and I imagine that the skies colours are what they are due to my psychedelic obsession at the time. Quite like the light bulb sun, however unconvincing it may be.

I’m currently up to number seven

February 18th, 2009 by

To Do

The Bestest Thing In The Whole Wide World

February 17th, 2009 by

This week I am recommending brushing your teeth while listening to Evan Parker’s trumpet solo in Oh! Mr. Songwriter. If you can spit when Vic shouts “Pack it in Parker,” satisfaction is guaranteed.

Well it cheered me up anyway.

Off you pop now.

Stroll Sketches

February 14th, 2009 by

Went for a lengthy walk this afternoon, in a vague attempt to try and take my mind off how pathetic, unlovable and self pitying I am on this of all days. This failed. I did do some quick sketches of a particularly impressive dead tree I passed on the way. Here they are.

Tree Sketches

They aren’t very good are they? Yay.

River or Road?

February 11th, 2009 by

Make of it what you will

Make of it what you will

Probably 1994. Biro, coloured pencils and felt tips on lined refill pad.

Click on the link please. It’s the only way you’ll get to see the crocodile and the afro.

This seems to be mainly concerning my then obsession with hair in all it’s many forms. You will notice that the absurd quiffs are once again in evidence, plus an afro and that weird built up back combed mostrosity, which is probably the closest to the barnet I was sporting at the time. I tend not to draw cars very often, mainly because they normally come out as unrealistically as the monstrosity depicted here, though in the context I kind of like it. The pogo stick resembles the one I received one Christmas, but was to light to use properly until I was getting on towards sixteen. You might notice that the banana in the greengrocers window is again singing Dennis Waterman’s theme to dubious situation comedy On The Up – why I was quite so obsessed by this is uncertain. The poster next to it proclaims “WE SELL FRUIT! BUY ANY 12 CITRUS FRUIT AND GET A FREE SLEDGEHAMMER!” The one to the right of that simply says “FRUIT” over and over again. The letter box to the right of that has the moniker 2HI! WE’RE OUT!” written on it. The pink mass partially hidden behind the afro is anothe appearance of the absurdly fanged, grinning face I had been toying with for some time, with it’s teethe covered in something unspeakably purple. Don’t quite know why the crocodile’s smoking a fag, but it is. The green things crossing the road are ‘Squelchy Things’ which I had been doodling quite regularly back then. I think they’re stolen from somewhere – probably either works by Lew Stringer of Tom Paterson. I think the pimple on the nose of the man in the foreground is where the whole drawing started. From little acorns…

Technology?

February 8th, 2009 by

B.A. Barrabas Colour

B. A. Barrabas

January/February 2009. Ink on cartridge paper. Coloured in Photoshop.

Go on, give the picture a click. You can see the centurion then.

I would apologise for the indulgence of sticking this up for a second time, but frankly I’m unable to think of anything more interesting than me. Shut up. It is slightly different. This is the first time I’ve tried to colour anything with Photoshop and find myself relatively pleased with the results. The first thing the exercise showed me was why digital artists use a tablet (I think that’s the generic term for some sort of pen like device one uses for digital drawing). Doing this with my own shitty mouse balanced on a copy of Kramer’s Ergot made things quite tricky at times and led to a great deal of deleting when my hand wobbled. My next grumble came when I first discovered that you can’t just do block washes and fill an area with colour (unless you can and my limited searching failed to find it), so every bit of colour had to be manually applied. This became simpler as the process continued and I finally realised that doing the outlines first with a small ‘brush’, then filling the rest in with a bigger one seemed to be the best way. It also took me a while to notice the ‘Swathes’ tab, which gives you a range of colours to choose from, as the first five or six attempts to do the sand and sky were chosen by clicking near what I wanted in a bar with the full colour spectrum in it. Nightmare finding browns in that, I can tell you. I quite like the effect that you get from using the bigger brushes – I imagine it’s similar to what you get with an airbrush (never used one, so couldn’t say for sure) and can be seen by some of the shines on the ‘B’ and the ‘A’. I made some limited attempts at shading, mainly on Mr. T’s arms (if you look closely) but could probably have done a better job with them or chosen colours more striking than I did. The whole thing was a great deal brighter and more hyperreal in the colour scheme when I finished working with it in Imageready (the Photoshop sub-programme the whole thing was coloured in). Importing it back into Photoshop, I tinkered a bit with the hues, saturation and brightness which leaves us all with what you see above. The concept was that of regular correspondent Dick Gappy and will hopefully appear in the next edition of his monthly concern, The Denture. Scroll down for previous issues or try again at the start of March to find the February issue uploaded.

An Appeal

February 7th, 2009 by

Yesterday I slipped over three times on my way home. No, I’m fine, ta for asking. I’ll grant you that I was a bit merry, but it was more ice based than anything else. One of them was a cracker too – a proper legs uncontrolably flying, straight onto the back moment. Sadly though, no one was present to appreciate it. Had I seen someone doing quite such an impressive pratfall, I would have been in stitches. Then a thought struck me. With the prevelance of CCTV around the country, surely one will have picked up my plummet. More than that though, surely there must be hundreds of instances of people falling on the ice over the past couple of days which have been picked up by cameras. Enough to fill the next three series of You’ve Been Framed at least. I’m almost certainly wrong about this, but doesn’t Freedom of Information mean that we, the great unwashed, have access to them? This being the case, I implore you all to petition your local authorities for copies of the past couple of nights footage. Especially from around accident black spots. Then join me in the theraputic joy of laughing at other’s misfortune. Ayethangyew.