Something for the Weakened

Archive for October, 2006

Part Seven

October 31st, 2006 by

“I don’t have exes. I have receipts.”

Diddy Bum

October 23rd, 2006 by

My arse appears to be shrinking.

It’s not as if it was particularly tiny beforehand, but I’ve never consciously tried to slim it down or anything like that. The evidence lies in the appalling flared trousers I accidentally bought six months ago (look, there wasn’t a changing room, alright?). Despite their being allegedly the same size as another, less appalling pair of trousers I purchased at the same time, they have always hung from half way down the posterior in that infuriating way that the modern trouser does, rather than from the hips, where it should be as any self respecting pantaloon wearer will tell you. But today I find myself exerting some effort trying to keep the wretched things up at all. The only possible conclusion I can arrive at is that arse shrinkage is the cause. I only hope I can stop my arse diminishing any further before I’m left with no arse at all. That would be awful.

Yet another unsubtle reference to Voodoo Chile’s subtitle

October 17th, 2006 by

Was wearing a shirt and tie yesterday.

Felt good.

Weird.

Part Six

October 9th, 2006 by

There was a rustling.

“Silence, honey balls!” he shouted, braining him with a claw hammer.