Something for the Weakened

Archive for August, 2006


August 27th, 2006 by

In a week or so I shall be moving house and have realized quite how many videos I possess and shall probably never watch again. Clearly I haven’t a hope in hell of flogging them on e-bay or selling them to any second hand places (if anyone knows any different, do tell), so my plan was to try and fob them off on Oxfam or some other charity venue that might have some use for them. Old cinema stock used to be made with silver, so I suppose there’s a small chance that I could smelt them down and extract that, but I haven’t looked into the tiny likelihood that that’s still the case. Useless information aside, I thought that I’d see if any of you faithful readers might want any of them before hand. Free. Gratis. Err, for no money. That is, if you’re in the area and can take them from me by hand. Drop me a line using the contact icon above (which hopefully should work), state which one or ones you want and the video in question shall be yours so long as no one else has already asked for it. First come, first served and all that jazz. So here’s the list, which due to my anal filing system is in alphabetical director order.

Atolladero (1996) D – Oscar Aibar. Starring – Iggy Pop (no, really). Genre – Sci-Fi.

Twin Town (1997) D – Kevin Allen Starring – Rhys Ifans. Genre – Comedy I suppose.

The Big Tease (1999) D – Kevin Allen. Starring – Craig Ferguson. Genre – Comedy (hairdressing).

Streamers (1983) D – Robert Altman. Starring – Can’t remember. Genre – Vietnamy thing.

The Player (1992) D – Robert Altman. Starring – Tim Robbins. Genre – Hollywood satire.

Four Rooms (1995) D – Alison Anders, Alexandre Rockwell, Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Tarantino. Starring – Tim Roth & many more. Genre – Messy anthology.

Boogie Nights (1997) D – Paul Thomas Anderson. Starring – Marky Mark. Genre – You know, it’s Boogie Nights.

Magnolia (1999) D – Paul Thomas Anderson. Starring – The Cruise. Genre – Over long.

Killing Zoe (1994) D – Roger Avary. Starring – Eric Stolz (I think) Genre – Violent heist.

Fritz the Cat (1972) D – Ralph Bakshi. Starring – an animated cat. Genre – Adult animation spurned by it’s creator.

Demons (1985) D – Lamberto Bava. Starring – no one of note. Genre – unpleasant Italian horror.

Demons 3 (1987) D – Lamberto Bava. Starring – no one of note. Genre – unpleasant Italian horror sequel.

The Fifth Element (1997) D – Luc Besson. Starring – Milla Jovovich (sp?). Genre – Pretentious sci-fi.

Joan of Arc (1999) D – Luc Besson. Starring – Milla Jovvovvitch (sp?) Genre – Pretentious historical ‘epic’.

Face (1998) D – Antonia Bird. Starring – Robert Carlyle & Damon Albarn (honest!). Genre – British gangsterism.

A Life Less Ordinary (1997) D – Danny Boyle. Starring – Ewan McGregor. Genre – Can’t really remember.

Sleepy Hollow (1999) D – Tim Burton. Starring – Johnny Depp. Genre – American Gothic.

Prince of Darkness (1987) D – John Carpenter. Starring – most of the people wh’re always in John Carpenter films. Oh, and Alice Cooper. Genre – Slimy horror.

Body Bags (1993) D – John Carpenter & Tobe Hooper. Starring – Mark Hammil (sp?). Genre – Horror anthology.

Code of Honour (1989) D – Benny Chan. Starring – NOT Chow Yun Fat, though he is in it briefly. Genre – Heroic bloodshed.

A Moment of Romance (1990) D – Benny Chan. Starring – some folk. Genre – Heroic Bloodshed.

Fist of Legend (1995) D – Gordon Chan. Starring – ummm . . . Genre – Martial arts.

The Young Master (1980) D – Jackie Chan. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial Arts.

Dragon Lord (1982) D – Jackie Chan. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial Arts.

Police Story (1986) D – Jackie Chan. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial Arts.

Armour of God (1986) D – Jackie Chan. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial Arts. Seeing a pattern yet?

Miracles (1990) D – Jackie Chan. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial Arts.

Purple Storm (1999) D – Teddy Chen. Starring – Punchy kicky people. Genre – Martial arts fantasy.

Funny Bones (1995) D – Peter Chesolm. Starring – Lee Evans, Jerry Lewis. Genre – Comedy.

Kids (1995) D – Larry Clark. Starring – Some children. Genre – Unpleasant teens.

Scum (1980) D – Alan Clarke. Starring – Ray Winstone. Genre – Unpleasant teens in borstal.

Blood Simple (1984) D – The Coen Brothers. Starring – M. Emmett Walsh. Genre – Odd thriller.

Raising Arizona (1987) D – The Coen Brothers. Starring – Nicholas Cage. Genre – Odd comedy.

Miller’s Crossing (1990) D – The Coen Brothers. Starring – Gabriel Byrne. Genre – Odd gangsters.

Barton Fink (1991) D – The Coen Brothers. Starring – John Turtorro. Genre – Odd.

The Hudsucker Proxy (1994) D – The Coen Brothers. Starring – Tim Robbins. Genre – It’s a Wonderful Life pastiche.

The Big Lebowski (1998) D – The Coen Brothers. Starring – Jeff Daniels. Genre – Odd comedy thriller.

O Brother Where art Thou? (1984) D – The Coen Brothers. Starring – George Clooney. Genre – Odd bluegrass thing.

Original Gangstas (1996) D – Larry Cohen. Starring – Fred Williamson. Genre – Blaxploitation reunion.

Repo Man (1984) D – Alex Cox. Starring – Emilio Estevez. Genre – Uncertain.

Sid & Nancy (1986) D – Alex Cox. Starring – Gary Oldman. Genre – Punk bio-pic.

Straight to Hell (1988) D – Alex Cox. Starring – err, The Clash actually. Genre – Western?

Highway Patrolman (1991) D – Alex Cox. Starring – some Mexicans. Genre – Mexican policey thing.

The Winner (1997) D – Alex Cox. Starring – no one I can remember off the top of my head. Genre – something about gambling.

The Hills Have Eyes (1977) D – Wes Craven. Starring – The bald one with the pointy head. Genre – Horror.

The Hills Have Eyes II (1985) D – Wes Craven. Starring – The bald one with the pointy head. Genre – Horror (also contains a scene with a dog having a flashback!).

The Shawshank Redemption (1994) D – Frank Darabont. Starring – Tim Robbins. Genre – You know.

I D (1996) D – Philip Davis. Starring – Reece Dinsdale. Genre – Football hooliganism.

A Bronx Tale (1993) D – Robert DeNiro. Starring – Guess. Genre – Gangsterism.

Carrie (1976) D – Brian DePalma. Starring – Sissy Spacek. Genre – Horror.

Scarface (1983) D – Brian DePalma. Starring – Al Pacino. Genre – Gangsterama.

Carlito’s Way (1993) D – Brian DePalma. Starring – Al Pacino. Genre – Gangsters.

Living in Oblivion (1995) D – Tom DiCillo. Starring – Steve Buscemi. Genre – Independent film satire.

Deep Cover (1992) D – Bill Duke. Starring – Goldblum & Fishburne. Genre – Undercover coppery.

Unforgiven (1992) D – Clint Eastwood. Starring – Gene Hackman. Genre – Western.

Christiane F. (1981) D – Uli Edel. Starring – David Bowie (briefly, as himself, in concert). Genre – German junkies.

Guest House Paradiso (1999) D – Adrian Edmonson. Starring – Rok Mayall. Genre – Comedy apparently . . .

There’s Something About Mary – I don’t know what I was thinking . . .

Roma (1972) D – Federico Fellini. Starring – Some Italians. Genre – Fellini.

The Driller Killer (1977?) D – Abel Ferrara. Starring – no one you’d know. Genre – Horror.

Angel of Vengance (not original title) (1981) D – Abel Ferrara. Starring – no, got me there. Genre – Revenge thriller.

King of New York (1990) D – Abel Ferrara. Starring – Christopher Walken. Genre – Gangsters again.

Bad Lieutenant (1992) D – Abel Ferrara. Starring – Harvey Keitel. Genre – Corrupt coppers.

Dangerous Game (1990) D – Abel Ferrara. Starring – Keitel & Madonna. Genre – Christ knows.

The Addiction (1990) D – Abel Ferrara. Starring – Christopher Walken. Genre – Existential vampires.

The Funeral (1990) D – Abel Ferrara. Starring – Christopher Walken. Genre – Gangsters again.

The Blackout (1990) D – Abel Ferrara. Starring – dunno. Genre – Probably gangsters again.

Leaving Las Vegas (1995) D – Mike Figgis. Starring – Nicholas Cage. Genre – Miserable alcoholics whinging.

Se7en (1995) D – David Fincher. Starring – Pitt & Freeman. Genre – Poorly spelt thriller.

Fight Club (1999) D – David Fincher. Starring – Pitt & Norton. Genre – Pummelling.

Things to do in Denver When You’re Dead (1995) D – Gary Fleder. Starring – Walken & Garcia. Genre – Tarantino knock off.

The Iceman Cometh (1989) D – Clarence Fok. Starring – fit folk. Genre – Martial art battery.

The People Versus Larry Flint (1996) D – Milos Foreman. Starring – Woody Harrelson. Genre – Pornographer’s bio-pic.

Man on the Moon (1999) D – Milos Foreman. Starring – Jim Carrey. Genre – Andy Kaufman bio-pic.

Ronin (1999) D – John Frankenheimer. Starring – Robert DeNiro. Genre – Espionage type thing.

High Fidelity (2000) D – Stephen Frears. Starring – Tim Robbins. Genre – Men & music.

The Exorcist (1973) D – William Friedkin. Starring – Max Von Sydow. Genre – Overrated horror.

Time Bandits (1982) D – Terry Gilliam. Starring – Sean Connery. Genre – Dwarf Fantasy.

Brazil (1985) D – Terry Gilliam. Starring – Johnathan Pryce. Genre – Office Fantasy.

The Fisher King (1991) D – Terry Gilliam. Starring – Daniels & Williams. Genre – Homeless Fantasy.

12 Monkeys (1982) D – Terry Gilliam. Starring – Willis & Pitt. Genre – Time travel Fantasy.

Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas (1982) D – Terry Gilliam. Starring – Johnny Depp. Genre – Death of an era.

The Draughtsman’s Contract (1982) D – Peter Greenaway. Starring – toffs. Genre – Pretty pretension.

The Cook, the Thief, his Wife & her Lover (1989) D – Peter Greenaway. Starring – Mirren & Gambon. Genre – Pretty pretension.

Prospero’s Books (1991) D – Peter Greenaway. Starring – John Gielgud (in the nip!). Genre – Pretty pretension.

The Pillow Book (1996) D – Peter Greenaway. Starring – Ewan McGregor. Genre – Pretty pretension.

81/2 Women (1999) D – Peter Greenaway. Starring – 81/2 women. Genre – Pretty pretension.

L A Confidential (1997) D – Curtis Hanson. Starring – Crowe, Spacey, DeVito. Genre – Polis corruption.

Wonder Boys (2001) D – Curtis Hanson. Starring – Michael Douglas. Genre – Old le(tch)cturer.

American Psycho (2000) D – Mary Harron. Starring – Christian Bale. Genre – Mad yuppie.

The Master (1989) D – Tsui Hark. Starring – some Japanese chappies. Genre – Martial artistry.

Once Upon a Time in China (1991) D – Tsui Hark. Starring – Jet Li. Genre – Historic martial arting.

Once Upon a Time in China II (1992) D – Tsui Hark. Starring – Jet Li. Genre – Historic martial arting.

Once Upon a Time in China III (1993) D – Tsui Hark. Starring – Jet Li. Genre – Historic martial arting.

Blade (1991) D – Tsui Hark. Starring – Jet Li (though I might be remembering wrong). Genre – Martial arting (possibly historic).

Two Days in the Valley (1996) D – John Herzfeld. Starring – Teri Hatcher & maybe Matthew Modine, but I might be mistaken. Genre – Tarantino rip off.

The Warriors (1979) D – Walter Hill. Starring – must be someone who did something else afterwards. Genre – Gang warfare.

Southern Comfort (1981) D – Walter Hill. Starring – Can’t remember. Genre – Deliverance with the territorial army in the bayou.

Angel Encounters (1984) D – Godfrey Ho. Starring – some ladies. Genre – Martial arts (with ladies).

Get Carter (1970) D – Mike Hodges. Starring – Michael Caine. Genre – British gangsters.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986) D – Tobe Hooper. Starring – Dennis Hopper. Genre – Sloppy horror sequel.

Easy Rider (1969) D – Dennis Hopper. Starring – Henry Fonda. Genre – Hippies on bikes.

Swimming with Sharks (1995) D – George Huang. Starring – Kevin Spacey. Genre – Hollywood revenge.

Menace II Society (1993) D – The Hughes Brothers. Starring – not seen it for a while. Genre – ghetto gangstery.

Encounters of the Spooky Kind (1980) D – Sammo Hung. Starring – dunno. Genre – Martial artistry.

Wheels on Meals (1984) D – Sammo Hung. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial artistry.

Heart of Dragon (1985) D – Sammo Hung. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial artistry.

My Lucky Stars (1985) D – Sammo Hung. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial artistry.

Twinkle Twinkle Lucky Stars (1985) D – Sammo Hung. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial artistry.

Dragons Forever (1986) D – Sammo Hung. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial artistry.

Moon Warriors (1993) D – Sammo Hung. Starring – Sammo Hung (I think). Genre – Martial artistry.

Eastern Condors (1993) D – Sammo Hung. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial artistry.

Once Upon a Time in China & America (1997) D – Sammo Hung. Starring – Jet Li. Genre – Historic martial artistry.

God of Gamblers (1990) D – Wong Jing. Starring – Chow Yun Fat. Genre – Heroic bloodshed.

City Hunter (1992) D – Wong Jing. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial artistry.

Return to a Better Tomorrow (1994) D – Wong Jing. Starring – Maybe Chow Yun Fat. Genre – Heroic bloodshed.

The Killing Fields (1984) D – Roland Joffe. Starring – John Malkovich for a couple of minutes. Genre – Cambodian atrocities.

Being John Malkovich – oh, you know.

Mona Lisa (1986) D – Neil Jordan. Starring – Hoskins & Caine. Genre – London whoring.

The Butcher Boy (1997) D – Neil Jordan. Starring – some Irish folk, probably Colm Meaney. Genre – Grumpy Irish folk.

The Basketball Diaries (1995) D – Scott Kalvert. Starring – Leonardo DeCapriugh. Genre – Grumpy teens moaning.

American History X (1999) D – Tony Kaye. Starring – Eddie Norton. Genre – Over rated Nazism.

To Live & Die in Tsim Sha Tsui (1994) D – Lau Wai Keung. Starring – Andy Lau? Might be. Genre – Heroic bloodshed.

The Wicked City (1992) D – Mak Tai Kit. Starring – Christ knows. Genre – Live action anime.

La Haine (1995) D – Mathieu Kassovitz. Starring – Vincent Cassell. Genre – Angry Frenchmen.

Curry & Pepper (1990) D -Blackie Ko . Starring – haven’t a clue. Genre – Heroic bloodshed.

Saviour of the Soul (1992) D – Kuen Kwai & David Lai. Starring – err, nope. Genre – Martial arts fantasy.

Love & Death on Long Island (1996) D – Richard Kwietniowski. Starring – John Hurt. Genre – Unrequited gayness.

Nurse Betty (1999) D – Neil Labute. Starring – Zellwegger & Rock. Genre – Blacker than black comedy.

City on Fire (1988) D – Ringo Lam. Starring – not sure. Genre – What Tarantino nicked Reservoir Dogs from.

Full Contact (1992) D – Ringo Lam. Starring – some chaps. Genre – Heroic bloodshed.

Mr Vampire (1984) D – Ricky Lau. Starring – Sammo Hung? Or not. Genre – Hopping vampirearama.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon – not bothering to explain this one.

Born to Defend (1986) D – Jet Lee (not that one). Starring – no. Genre – Heroic bloodshed.

Malcolm X (1992) D – Spike Lee. Starring – Denzel Washington. Genre – Civil rights.

Summer of Sam (1999) D – Spike Lee. Starring – I can see the face, but the name eludes me. Genre – Weak period piece.

Slacker (1991) D – Richard Linklater. Starring – no one at all. Genre – Genre defining hodge podge.

My Name is Joe (1998) D – Ken Loach. Starring – Peter Mullan. Genre – Distressed Scotsmen.

THX-1138 (1971) D – George Lucas. Starring – Robert Duvall. Genre – Sci-fi.

The Phantom Menace (2000) D – George Lucas. Starring – Peter Serafinowicz. Genre – M’eh.

Serpico (1973) D – Sidney Lumet. Starring – Al Pacino. Genre – Undercover coppers.

Satan Returns (1996) D – Ah Lun. Starring – couldn’t tell you. Genre – Martial arts horror.

Jamon, Jamon (1992) D – Bigas Lunas. Starring – Spaniards. Genre – something to do with ham isn’t it?.

Jacob’s Ladder (1990) D – Adrian Lyne. Starring – Tim Robbins (I have far more films with him in than I realized). Genre – Incomprehensible Vietnam horror confusion.

Gangster No. 1 (2001) D – Paul McGuigan. Starring – Malcolm MacDowell. Genre – Well, gangsters, innit.

Small Faces (1995) D – Gilles MacKinnon. Starring – The Scots. Genre – Sixties Scottish scamps.

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1990) D – John McNaughton. Starring – Michael Rooker. Genre – Disturbingly bloodless serial killering.

Way of the Gun (2000) D – Christopher McQuarrie. Starring – Benicio del Toro. Genre – Pregnant heists.

The Thin Red Line (1998) D – Terence Malik. Starring – loads of people you’ll have heard of. Genre – WAR.

Manhunter (1986) D – Michael Mann. Starring – Bryan Cox. Genre – Hannibal Lecter done right.

Heat (1995) D – Michael Mann. Starring – DeNiro, Pacino, etc. Genre – Yeah, that one.

The Insider (1999) D – Michael Mann. Starring – Rustle Crowe. Genre – Anti-tobacco gubbins.

Love is the Devil (1998) D – Peter Maybury. Starring – Derek Jacobi. Genre – Bacon bio-pic.

American Beauty – I was distracted.

Cube (1999) D – Vincenzo Natali. Starring – no one of note. Genre – Sci-fi.

The Graduate (1967) D – Mike Nichols. Starring – Hoffman, Bancroft. Genre – Comedy would you say?.

Catch 22 (1970) D – Mike Nichols. Starring – Art Garfunkel. Genre – Unadaptable book.

Donnie Brasco (1997) D – Mike Newell. Starring – Pacino, Depp. Genre – More undercover coppery.

Memento (2001) D – Christopher Nolan. Starring – Guy Pearce. Genre – Disjointed backwards thriller.

Nil by Mouth (1997) D – Gary Oldman. Starring – Winstone & Burke. Genre – Brutal domestics.

Ghost in the Shell (1995) D – Mamoru Oshii. Starring – drawings. Genre – anime.

Akira (1989) D – Katushiro Otomo. Starring – pretty pictures. Genre – anime.

Looking for Richard (1996) D – Al Pacino. Starring – thesp’s. Genre – Al tries to stage Shakespeare.

All the Presidents Men (1976) D – Alan J Pakula. Starring – Redford & Hoffman. Genre – Nixon bashing.

Galaxy Quest (2000) D – Dean Parisot. Starring – tim alan. Genre – Sci-fi spoof.

The Wild Bunch (1969) D – Sam Peckinpah. Starring – Ernest Borgnine, or was it just someone who looks like him? Genre – Brutal western.

Das Boot (1981) D – Wolfgang Pedersen. Starring – the one with the beard. Genre – Germans in a sub (not sandwich).

Snake in Eagle’s Shadow (1978) D – Yuen Woo Ping. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial arting.

Drunken Master (1978) D – Yuen Woo Ping. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial arting.

Legend of a Fighter (1980) D – Yuen Woo Ping. Starring – probably not Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial arting.

The Magnificent Butcher (1980) D – Yuen Woo Ping. Starring – Sammo Hung. Genre – Martial arting.

Tiger Cage II (1990) D – Yuen Woo Ping. Starring – Yuen Baio? Maybe. Genre – Martial arting.

Iron Monkey (1993) D – Yuen Woo Ping. Starring – couldn’t tell you. Genre – Martial arting.

Taxi (1997) D – Gerard Pires. Starring – some French lads ‘n’ lasses. Genre – Cab based action.

Les Visiteurs (1993) D – Jean Marie Poire. Starring – Jean Reno. Genre – Time travelling French farce.

The Ninth Gate (2000) D – Roman Polanski. Starring – Johnny Depp. Genre – Book based ‘horror’.

Heavy Metal (1981) D – Gerald Potterton. Starring – the voice of John Candy. Genre – Adult animation.

Dark City (1998) D – Alez Proyas. Starring – Richard O’Brien. Genre – Overactive sci-fi.

Darkman (1990) D – Sam Raimi. Starring – Liam Neeson. Genre – Dark superheroics.

The Quick & the Dead (1997) D – Sam Raimi. Starring – Sharon Stone. Genre – Silly western.

Rush Hour (1999) D – Brett Rainer. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Weak martial arts.

The Supergrass (1985) D – Peter Richardson. Starring – Adrian Edmonson. Genre – Comedy.

Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels – it was good at the time . . .

Snatch – no excuses here though.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery – not actually funny.

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me – less mirthful somehow.

El Mariachi (1992) D – Robert Rodriguez. Starring – no one either. Genre – Cheap action.

Desperado (1995) D – Robert Rodriguez. Starring – Antonio Banderas. Genre – Pricey action.

Black Mama, White Mama (1972) D – Eddie Romero. Starring – Pam grier. Genre – Blaxploitation in a women’s prison.

The Opposite of Sex (1998) D – Don Roos. Starring – Christina Ricci. Genre – Comedy I think.

The Young Poisoner’s Handbook (1995) D – Ben Ross. Starring – Roger Lloyd Pack. Genre – Blak humour.

Three Kings (1999) D – David O Russell. Starring – George Clooney. Genre – War.

Vanishing Point (1971) D – Richard C. Sarafian. Starring – no one worth remembering. Genre – Car chase. For ninety minutes.

Lone Star (1996) D – John Sayles. Starring – might have Kris Kristofferson in it, then again it might not. Genre – Worthy sheriff drama.

The Boys From Brazil (1978) D – Franklin J. Schaffner. Starring – James Mason. Genre – Hitler cloning laugh fest.

Midnight Cowboy (1969) D – John Schlesinger. Starring – Hoffman & Voight. Genre – Grimy man pimping.

Marathon Man (1976) D – John Schlesinger. Starring – Hoffman & Burton. Genre – Tooth pulling nazis.

Basquiat (1996) D – Julian Schnabel. Starring – David Bowie (as Warhol, oddly). Genre – Art.

Blue Collar (1978) D – Paul Schrader. Starring – Keitel & Pryor. Genre – Angry car manufacturers.

Mishima (1985) D – Paul Schrader. Starring – can’t remember. Genre – Oriental revolution.

The Killer Tongue (1996) D – Alberto Sciamma. Starring – Ed Tudor Pole. Genre – err, it’s about a lady with a killer tongue. In an alien rather than a rude way. That’s about it really.

After Hours (1985) D – Martin Scorsese. Starring – Cheech & Chong among others. Genre – ‘Comedy’.

Kundun (1997) D – Martin Scorsese. Starring – some Buddhists. Genre – Dalai Lama bio-pic.

Bringing Out The Dead (2000) D – Martin Scorsese. Starring – Nicholas Cage. Genre – Somnambulist ambulance driving.

Fantasia (1940) D – Ben Sharpsteen. Starring – Mickey Mouse. Genre – Dinsey.

The New One Armed Swordsman (1971) D – The Shaw Brothers. Starring – dunno. Genre – Martial artings.

Chinese Boxer (1972) D – The Shaw Brothers. Starring – dunno. Genre – Martial artings.

Boxer from Shantung (1972) D – The Shaw Brothers. Starring – dunno. Genre – Martial artings.

The 36th Chamber of Shaolin (1977) D – The Shaw Brothers. Starring – dunno. Genre – Martial artings.

The Usual Suspects (1995) D – Bryan Singer. Starring – Gabriel Byrne. Genre – Thrillery.

Apt Pupil (1998) D – Bryan Singer. Starring – Ian McKellen. Genre – mo’ nazis.

X-Men – hmmm.

Boyz n the Hood (1991) D – John Singleton. Starring – Ice Cube. Genre – Gangbangin’.

Salvador (1985) D – Oliver Stone. Starring – James Woods. Genre – War time reportage.

Platoon (1986) D – Oliver Stone. Starring – Charlie Sheen. Genre – ‘nam.

The Doors (1991) D – Oliver Stone. Starring – Val Kilmer. Genre – Morrison bio-pic.

U-Turn (1997) D – Oliver Stone. Starring – Sean Penn. Genre – Oddity.

Any Given Sunday (1999) D – Oliver Stone. Starring – Al Pacino. Genre – American Football guff.

Once were Warriors (1994) D – Lee Tamahori. Starring – that bloke what was Jango Fett. Genre – Maori wife beating.

Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown – Yeah, them.

The Great Rock & Roll Swindle (1980) D – Julian Temple. Starring – the Sex Pistols. Genre – Malcolm McLaren talks about the Sex Pistols.

The Filth & the Fury (1999) D – Julian Temple. Starring – the Sex Pistols. Genre – The Sex Pistols talks about Malcolm McLaren.

Private Parts (1997) D – Betty Thomas. Starring – Howard Stern. Genre – Howard Stern indulges himself.

The Heroic Trio (1997) D – Johnny To. Starring – Michelle Yeoh? Genre – Martial art fantasy ladies.

Police Story 3 (1992) D – Stanley Tong. Starring – Jackie Chan. Genre – Martial art coppers.

Mystery Men (1999) D – Kinka Usher. Starring – Ben Stiller. Genre – Comedy superheroism.

To Die For (1995) D – Gus Van Sant. Starring – Nicole Kidman. Genre – Evil meteorologist.

Hitman (1998) D – Tung Wai. Starring – Andy Lau I think. Genre – Heroic bloodshed.

Mute Witness (1995) D – Anthony Waller. Starring – Alec Guinness (briefly). Genre – Mute woman witnesses snuff film.

Smoke (1995) D – Wayne Wang. Starring – Keitel, Whittaker, many more. Genre – Paul Auster scripted drama.

Blue in the Face (1995) D – Wayne Wang. Starring – Keitel, Jarmusch, Madonna, others. Genre – More Auster.

Con Air (1997) D – Simon West. Starring – Nicholas Cage. Genre – Active ludicrousness.

Rich & Famous (1986) D – Taylor Wong. Starring – someone I’m sure. Genre – Heroic bloodletting.

Tragic Hero (1987) D – Taylor Wong. Starring – him out of that thing. Genre – Heroism and bloodshedding.

The Hand of Death (1975) D – John Woo. Starring – chaps. Genre – think it was martial arts actually.

Heroes Shed No Tears (1983) D – John Woo. Starring – more fellows. Genre – Wartime heroic blood.

Just Heroes (1987) D – John Woo. Starring – might be Chow Yun Fat by now. Genre – Bloodshed of heroes.

Hard Boiled 2 (19??) D – not John Woo. Starring – no one. Genre – pretend sequel with no relation to the original.

Face Off (1997) D – John Woo. Starring – Travolta & Cage. Genre – Poor stab at the American market.

Angels (1986) D – Teresa Woo. Starring – lasses. Genre – Heroic lady bloodshed.

Angels 2 (1988) D – Teresa Woo. Starring – lasses. Genre – Heroic lady bloodshed.

Romper Stomper (1992) D – Geoffrey Wright. Starring – Russell Crowe. Genre – Ozzie nazis.

Possession (1981) D – Andrzej Zulawski. Starring – Sam Neil & Isabelle Adjiani. Genre – Blood soaked horrory.

And everything Bruce Lee was in.

Hope to hear from some of you soon, if only because of quite how long this has taken me to type.

Awaiting Lost Girls

August 24th, 2006 by

The book finally ships from publisher Top Shelf’s warehouse this week – it has been available directly from them at conventions and such like so I’ve heard, but this will be the first time it will emerge on the shelves of actual shops. Apparently the first printing is now already sold out from the initial orders from book and comic shops (and possibly stores of a more ‘adult’ nature, but that’s merely conjecture on my behalf). Despite their having made some fairly impressive in roads selling ‘graphic novels’ (uurgh), particularly those by Moore and partially with those published by Top Shelf, Borders in America will not be selling the book. Whether this policy will carry on in the UK as well I’ve not heard. Canada, whose censorship laws regarding material of a more ‘adult’ nature are as far as I know as draconian as Britain’s were in the eighties, will apparently be receiving copies – assuming they get over the border. No more news has been forthcoming on the positions of Great Ormond Street or British customs’ leniancy allowing it into the country. I have a copy on order thanks to some excellent chums of mine, which feels a little odd. No one’s ever bought pornography for me as a gift before. I shall probably make more of this if my copy manages to make it all the way over here. More news as and when I hear it.

Catch Up

August 23rd, 2006 by

Hello all. It’s all been a bit hyper over the past few days, so my apologies for the lack of writingage. This is the first evening I haven’t found myself in a public house for five days and fun though those days have been, I’m enjoying the rest and the not having to undercook chicken kievs at one in the morning (only happened the once, but I’m still paying for it in some ways). Anyway, first I’d like to thank all of you that came out for my birthday shenanigans or in anyway contacted me on the day. A thoroughly good time was had by me and (I hope) all present, in spite of the torrential rain. Big thank yous also to everyone who came to the Swiss Concrete gig on Sunday (hopefully the link’ll work this time). It all ran remarkably smoothly and around fifty people paid to come and see what we’d put together. I say we, my own involvement was minimal at best (non-existant at worst), but much appreciation goes out anyway. I was going to go into further details, but the last thing I want this to turn into is yet another tedious online diary so I shall cut things short here and rest my liver until my next jaunt. Which will probably be tomorrow, God help me.

I have seen the future . . .

August 19th, 2006 by

. . . and it’s name is Robot Chicken. If I see anything funnier this year than an animated William Shatner toy screaming “Kaaaahhhn!” in a pizzeria, I’ll be very surprised. Not to mention the Incredible Hulk winning Yahtzee. HIghly recommended funny.

Oh, and happy birthday to me. Yay.


August 17th, 2006 by

Following on from yesterday’s terrible revelations of my underhanded product placement, I received a message from irregular correspondent The Shock, soon to be formerly of Oxford. She wrote;

Hi there,

I have to object at your lack of hint-dropping over the last few weeks (Lost Girls excepted). I’ve been avidly reading in the hope that you would decide to drop hints and have been sorely disappointed.

A list of things you want, you say? Do tell…

which has made me feel slightly better about the whole debacle. It would seem churlish to not answer the request too, so in a moment of shameless commercialism, please spend your money on any of the following goods, give them to me and watch my ugly little mush light up with joy.

Books – the following are all graphic novels I am currently seeking which should be available in all good places that stock such things (though scarcely are). ‘The Fate of the Artist’ by Eddie Campbell (ISBN 1596431334); ‘War’s End’ by Joe Sacco (ISBN 1896597920); ‘Carnet de Voyage’ by Craig Thompson (ISBN 1891830600); ‘Demo’ by Brian Wood (ISBN 1932051422); ‘Scarlet Traces’ by Ian Edgington & D’Israeli D’emon D’raughtsman (ISBN 1569719403); ‘Dogs and Water’ by Anders Nilsen (ISBN 1894937778); ‘Memoirs of a Mosquito Abatement Man’ by John Porcellino (ISBN 097652550X); ‘The Dial & Other Stories’ by Chris Reynolds (ISBN 141167815X); ‘It’s a Bird’ by Stephen T. Seagle (no, not that one) and Teddy Kristiansen (ISBN 1840239255); ‘Mother Come Home’ by Paul Hornschemeier (ISBN 1593070373); ‘Monologues for the Coming Plague’ by Anders Nilsen (ISBN 1560977183); ‘Mome: Autumn/Winter 2005′ edited by Gary Groth (ISBN 1560976977); and for the heck of it, if anyone get hold of Jon Lewis’ True Swamp (ISBN 0943151104) I’d be very happy indeed. I’m guessing that the lack of reference numbers in the following categories might give the nature of my profession away somewhat.

DVDs – I’m currently going through a spell of obsessing over good comedy releases, so that would be where all of these could be found were you wandering cluelessly into Fopp (I was going to say HMV, but I feel far happier promoting the big fish – I demand to see your receipts!). Again in no particular order I’m currently after ‘At Last the 1948 Show’; ‘Do Not Adjust Your Set’; ‘Arrested Development: Season Two’; ‘Alexei Sayle’s Stuff: Series 2 or Series 3 (they’re normally filed under ‘Sayle’, but can be under either of the other words as well); ‘Nightingales’; ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm: Season 4′; Big Train; and there was some sort of Graham Chapman thing I saw the other day, though I can’t remember the title for the life of me. It was filed under Chapman though and looked quite intriguing.

Music – I’m kind of out of sorts, not to mention out of touch, with new music at the moment, so this is bit patchy. So I’d quite like to hear stuff by The Knife (filed in rock & pop or dance), MF Doom (probably in ‘urban’ or whatever they’re calling it these days), ‘Black Ships Ate the Sky’ by Current 93 (rock & pop or conceivably metal or perhaps industrial or gothic if it’s somewhere that really likes to divide things up) and I’d be quite intrigued to give Wolf Eyes and Lightning Bolt a go if you can find where they’re hidden. There’s probably a lot more but I’m bereft of inspiration.

Sundrys – The above are the main three things that obsess my own buying habits, but I could also do with the following if you’re feeling adventurous: new shoes (eight and a half ideally); a proper razor (electric isn’t really doing it for me anymore); a toothbrush (I can’t even remember when I bought the last one and it’s not as effective as it was); some lovin’ (just a bit mind); a digital radio (I can’t express how badly I need BBC7); more hats (you can never have too many); a mouse (computer based, though rodents would be acceptable); Hama CD drawers (the overflow from the dozen I already have is becoming ridiculous); and if anyone could arrange it, world peace would be quite nice, but the CD drawers take precedence.

I can only apologise for this listing, but it was requested by one of your number. Now go and buy me presents. I shall leave you with the transcription of the favouritest conversation I’ve had in a long time.

She: But what happens if it rains?

Me: They get wet.

information, Information, INFORMATION

August 16th, 2006 by

By hook or by crook, I shall impart it. First, I ought to point out that the urge listed below has passed and was unfulfilled. It would have also had to involve a biro and complete ignorance of said post..

Next we have the hypochondriac’s list of ailments I’ve convinced myself that I’ve had over the last few days. There was the assertion that my lungs were sixty percent tar; that stomach was eighty percent acid; that my the backs of my knees were bleeding; that my foot had snapped; that a red ant had bitten me on the left shoulder blade; that my heart had stopped beating (I was very quickly cured of that one when I remembered that it was actually on the other side of my chest).

Now for the linkery – I should point out that I am involved in the promoting of this series of gigs and indeed designed the written element of the logo. If you’re in the area, please do pop along and give me some of your cash. Those bands that I’ve seen who are playing this weekend are splendid fun and well worth hearing.

For those of you still interested in my waffling on about Lost Girls, I feel that I should point you in the direction of this interview with Alan Moore and Melinda Gebbie. It covers a lot of similair ground to the Onion piece I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, but also features some of the more explicit pages from (I think) the third chapter. As such it’s probably not really work safe, unless you’re sitting in a corner or if you don’t click and expand the images. While we’re on the subject of Lost Girls and my relationship with it, I received this anonymous e-mail a couple of days ago:

Just in case you were thinking of buying yourself a copy, um, could you kind of not? No reason…:)

Which I’m assuming is related to my birthday in some sort of way. I feel kind of bad about this, as it sort of feels as if I’ve just been dropping hints about what I wanted for the past couple of months. That wasn’t really the case at the start, though I did feel a bit of an ulterior motive coming on the last couple of times I’ve brought it up. Having been told what a nightmare buying gifts for me is, I’m quite happy to have provided enough unsubtle hints to move someone (or someones?) into buying me something I definitely want. I still feel quite bad about doing it though. So if anyone else has responded to my tactless prompting, but haven’t e-mailed me, then I have a feeling that I might have a duplication on the way. But thank you for the kind thought.

Finally, anyone in the city this Saturday might want to direct themselves towards the Turf Tavern during the evening, should they wish to wish me a happy birthday, complain about my spelling or just hurl non-physical abuse from a distance. All comers welcomed.


August 15th, 2006 by

I have the overwhelming urge to call someone ‘Boobsy’. Not anyone in particular, just someone with boobs. Men are eligible. So long as they have boobs.

Some Self Indulgence (just for a change . . .)

August 13th, 2006 by

Normally around this time of year I’m sinking into some kind of age related depression. The upcoming anniversary of my birth usually fills me with dread, as you can probably read about in excruciating detail if you check any August entries from previous years (I’m not going to, but I seem to remember them being there). Oddly, this year I’m feeling peculiarly optimistic. I’m not entirely sure what’s brought on this sudden comfort in my own skin, but someone has fluffed up the metaphorical cushions of my mind and left me in a state of bewildering contentment. It’s almost Zen like, you know. Inevitably I’m going to crash and burn out of it, but let’s try and bathe in its glory for as long as we can, shall we?

And breathe out.

Continuning Confusion

August 10th, 2006 by

Brain still not function does. Will soon. Promise.


August 9th, 2006 by

At the moment I seem to be in possession of too many thoughts. Unusually a lot of them seem to be good. If I succeed in sleeping during the next week, it will be a miracle.